Security Guard

You know, I just finished my education to become a security guard. Already met up with my future boss to apply for clearance by the police, so I can work as a security guard at a high-end mall in our capital city. I’ll be dealing with thieves and gang members. I’ll be servicing the average costumer with whatever help they need. All in all trying to keep the place safe for everyone and a nice place to shop. I’ve heard stories of what security guards can encounter. It’s a job where you will spend a lot of time being helpful to customers and it’s a job where you all of the sudden will have to change from normal slow pace just watching abnormalities to reacting to an emergency or dealing with aggression. I’m gonna be the rookie. All I know about the job is from what I’ve been told. I don’t know how the reality is gonna be. I know I’m super exited to start. But all of this feel like stepping out on the stage for the first time knowing you got what it takes, but never having had your capabilities tested in real life situations. At school we did scenarios for our exams. Scenarios are fake. They are not real life. The idea of aiding people in need, talking down an aggressive person, arresting a criminal; it all sounds super exiting and makes me feel both nervous and alive at the same time. I’m eager to prove myself to myself. Showing that I can indeed do this. But I’m also nervous. School is over. It’s not theoretical anymore. Now reality is gonna hit me and I’m gonna learn what I’ve made of. Who I am when the shit hits the fan. Naturally I’m also a bit scared. Stepping out of my comfort zone. In self defense training we learn about violence and predatorily behavior. The last 9½ months I’ve trained for the moment someone comes after me. Now I’m about to start a job, where my risk of a violent encounter is higher. I got good amount of colleagues when I start. I’m not gonna be alone. Someone wanna play rough I got some badass people ready to come to my aid. I’ve learned to defend myself and I got colleagues ready to defend me. My knowledge of this world is all from books, movies and stories from people who have been there. What is it gonna be like for me? How am I gonna be? Am I gonna be good, great or am I fooling myself. I believe it’s gonna be one of the 2 first. But reality will test me and show me. Right now I just think. Down the road, ill know. It’s scary. But I’m comforted by the fact that I’m not alone. I got people, good people to teach me. Good people to talk to. People who’s been in the game many many years. I’m proud to have finished top of my class on the theoretical exam. Damn proud about that achievement. Now it’s time to prove that I got what it takes to be a great security guard.  Those nerves man, they can mess with your head.

I’ve worked hard to get here. For the first time in a decade I’m gonna experience what stability in my life feels like. I’m gonna be able to afford stuff again. Pay of that loan, that’s just been staring at me for the last 10 years. The relief is so thick you can cut it with a knife. I feel like myself again for the first time in a long time. My teachers don’t even know the depth of what they have helped me achieve here and their contribution to it. A friend of mine told me to not forget who made me, and I won’t. These teachers, my instructor, my sister have all played their role in pushing me to where I am today. Thank you doesn’t even cut it. The commitment I felt from my teachers towards their students is rare. You don’t see that kinda engagement everywhere. I feel lucky to have been trained by such good people, and all I did so far was to organize buying a cake and a card for our primary teacher. He was grateful. But like I said, a simple thank you just doesn’t seem to even scratch the surface of my gratitude.

To be continued…

I´m back…

Its been over 7 years since my last entry. A lot has happened. My mum got sick with breastcancer in 2018 and died summer of 2020 during the first year of Covid. I since moved to Copenhagen to be closer to my sisters. Life´s been tough. I have fought to follow my dream. Being lost at to how to reach that dream, bc i didnt know what route to take to get the career that I was looking for. I think on some level i didnt really know what i wanted to do, just that I didnt wanna waste alle those years at University on something mediocre. Its been too long to go into the detail of everything that happened. Might write a blog about some of it later. Right now im taking a course to become a security guard. Im loving every part of it. Its not something that required a masters degree, but working with security/safety has triggered something in me that started when I joined a Krav Maga school called Heartcore in january 2022.

I had already begun loosing weight and was looking for something to keep me going. (down 25kg as Im writing this) I had always had a love for martial arts since a friend in high school had introduced me to karate and showed me a few moves. My sister suggested I check out Krav Maga. I did and I fell in love. Especially when i joined Heartcore. The focus on your mental strenght and development drew me in. I found kindred spirits who had the same passion for empowering women. (hate the word empowering. Its turned to such a pop word that it lost a bit of its shine, but its the best definition I got). Since jan 2022 I have stumbled further and further down the rabbit hole. Im a bit of a knowledge nerd that way. Im eager to learn and I didnt know how much I needed to have a new area to research and discuss with peers. I was introduced to a book called: “Left of Bang” plus an author called Rory Miller(correction officer, sergeant, tactical team leader with a few decades worth of knowledge on self defence and violence dynamics). I actually met him recently. Him and Randy King(will get back to him) did a european tour. Meeting people like Rory, a person who is extremely skilled at reading people, facial expression, body language etc, is scary. It makes me uncomfortable that people can read me that well and I cant hide. Its the fear of being judged based on the weaknesses that they find. I know its all in my head, but its the reason I like people who speak their mind. I know where I got them, but whenever I know that a person is withholding judgement on me, good or bad, I get nervous. Its just one of those areas where I need to hit myself in the head and tell myself to sit down and just relax, unless of course my intuition is triggered. But anywho… I have read 2 of his books: Meditation on violence and conflict communication. Books that changed how I label and see my past, my present and my future. Things definitely changed after reading them. I got him to sign my books at a seminar on short term boundaries by Randy, that guy is awesome. Randy is loud, tall, funny and has a lot of knowledge and experience on the softer skills in in self defense, beside being a badass in Martial Arts himself, and he has several years of bouncer experience. Now he owns a Self Defense company where he teaches on different self defense topics. It was a honor to meet them both. It wasnt as scary meeting Randy, as it was with Rory. Randy has a great skill at making people feel at ease. Not something everybody masters plus he is a shark at social media. Im honored to have met 2 men who in different ways teach me how to be safer, better, wiser, more authentic and real. Stronger. Thank You to both of them. Its because of them that im writing this blog entry now. I have been fatigued in debating for a number of years. I didnt know how much I missed having this outlet for my thoughts. So I owe them both my gratitude. I hope this is not the last time I met these 2 fine gentlement. I sure plan to make a trip to the states for seminar weekends at an organisation called violence dynamics, that they are both a part of amongst a SWAT dude and a Krav Maga lady, both also very awesome.

2022 has been a lifechanging year. Krav Maga/Self Defense has changed my life. Im studying for a job I never thought I had the guts to take on. Think about it. Im gonna get paided to practice my awereness and deescalating skills. How awesome is that. I cant wait to write more about all things considering Self Defense. I got a list of 15 topics already. So stay tuned. Will write again in November, maybe earlier if my study doesnt keep me too busy.

– Rosie

Fat, Furious and Far from employment

So…Its been 6 months since my last entry. Not because i didn’t have anything to say. I just didn’t know how to answer my own questions. I had a lot of thoughts concerning my unemployment and my own body. I was angry and I still am angry. The difference is just always where you channel your own anger. So lets get started.

Being fat and unemployed. Does your appearance affect your ability to get a job. Yes and No. But let me get back to that. When you´re struggling to get work and you have a weight problem, you can´t always keep out the thoughts on how an potential boss may look at you when you walk into an interview. You´re nervous, so its easy to think that the smallest thing can jeopardize your chances of getting a job. I looked at myself and saw a lazy person with no self esteem and awful looking flat hair, who desperately needed a makeover and a personal trainer/coach to kick myself in the butt. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I had given up on my believe and dream of getting a job. I had tried for so long. Fighting my own inner battles while meeting the demands of the world around me to be super strong, energetic and with the ability to see beyond my own problems and actually think of others. And I was struggling to do just that. I couldn’t recognize myself. So I did what I always do. Ate to much chocolate, drank to much coca cola, zero of course. I was still trying to look after my body….Wake up Girl.
I was spending to many hours on my own within the 4 same walls, avoiding the world around me. I avoid talking to my parents, because its too damn hard to always being asked how I am and whats going on. Because nothing is changing. I’m still unemployed and I have never been completely comfortable showing my vulnerability to my parents. Always trying to be in control. I lost the control over my own employment and my body. On top of this. Still single. I was what I considered to be a nobody. Everybody around me has what I want: A job, financial security and a family of their own. I was bitter. I was angry. Why everybody else. Why not me. I felt like Jesus on the cross saying: “My God, My God, why have you abandoned me”. I was trying my best not to let my situation clutter the truth, I know about who God is, get damaged.  I wasn’t facing this every single hour of the day. I had periods of time, days, where I was good. But being unemployed is like being on an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes all you can do is to hang on and not throw up. I had been battling so many lies, trying to keep them at bay, but I was failing at that too.
Don´t get me wrong. I still do this. Habits don’t just disappear overnight, but your attitude can. Now you have a picture of the state i have been in for the last 2 years. I have been unemployed for 3,5 years, but my world started crumbling after 18 months, when I for real started to question if anybody would ever hire me. Let me get back to my question from earlier. Does appearance affect your ability to get work? I briefly answered Yes and No. Because it all depends on yourself. If you let your body weight get to you, and you believe that you´re a lesser person because of it. Its gonna effect the way you carry yourself. I have seen skinny people with no self esteem and I have seen fat people, who knew their own worth. My own self esteem is a thing that from time to time comes back to haunt me, for long is always up to me. Usually until the time I get pissed off and tell it to go to hell. Kicking your own ass from time to time is definitely something i will recommend, plus its fun. You can only control yourself, not the people across the green table and to be honest, if a future boss judges you based on your looks. You don’t want to work there anyway…Okay…we do…But it wont be fun…It will be an income, but I wouldn’t want that boss.

If you asked my former boss about my best qualities, He would say: Strong, proactive, independent, a leader, efficient, kind and good at reading other people. Being unemployed for so long, one by one I started to bury them. They are still a apart of who I am, but they have been put to sleep, right when I need them the most. But when you´re unemployed, you detach yourself from the world, because everybody asks how its going and the answers is just to painful to keep on repeating forever. So little by little you have excluded yourself from the people who could remind you of who you are. Pulling yourself up from the dirt is not easy when you have to do it over and over again, everytime you hit a concrete wall, which you do everytime you get THAT email, once again saying you didn’t get the job.  I may fall from time to time, but I always get back on my feet again. The only thing that really pisses me off, is that it would be easier to get a job if I where rich. Because the key to getting a job is network. But sometimes finding a network is not easy. They all cost money, which you don’t have and hiring a coach is expensive. My dream is to one day to be able to guide and coach people in my situation without money being a hindrance for the person in need of a job. I am lucky to have good friends around me to help me up when i fall so hard that its impossible to disguise. I´m very good at disguising my vulnerable side, in case you wondered. Don´t let the world tell you, that you don´t deserve getting a job. I´m happy that I have a masters degree, because No one can tell me that i´m not good enough for a job. I may not have all the skills required or enough experience. But I am always good enough. This has nothing to do with your or my own personality. Its not an attack on your person. Its just damn bad luck and for some parts a poor employment system. Because sometimes you just want someone to talk to and not a psychologist, but a coach. Its a system, where you have to look for things yourself, which is not easy all the time. Where do you find that non-major company that are in a position where they need more people. Network, Network, Network. The best thing to do, is to get out there. Sometimes you end up talking to a stranger at the library, who turns out to be someone who can connect you. But for the love of God. Keep trying, Don´t give up. And to hell with if your fat and have bad hair. You are not your body nor your hair. This has probably been one of the most brutally honest things I have ever written. I know there´s so many out there going through the same thing as I. So I just hope that this article will reach some of you and that it will remind you not to give up, but keep on fighting. Because if you´re hanging over a cliff, no one can help you up if you don’t fight. We are making it harder on the people around us to help us, if we don’t let them, and to let other people help: We need to fight for ourselves too.

Stay open minded and don´t judge the book by its cover

So I have been a bit quiet for the last weeks. Well…Really I haven’t written anything. It started with a Terror Attack on my countries capital on Feb. 14th, the day after my last post. Its the first real attack we have encountered. The next 14 days i spend my time thinking about what this will do to my country from here on out. It wasn’t a bomb, luckily. A young man, angry at the world decided to shoot at a Free speech meeting and later on attacked a Jewish synagogue, where a Bah Mitzva where held. 2 innocent people were killed and 5 police officers were injured. Now I and many more try to walk the line, trying not to fall…Cause this has put even more stress on the muslim community, which is unfair. Just because one guy decides to act out a terror attack doesn’t make all muslims terrorist. But even so, the struggle now stand between avoiding that muslims are being even more secluded from the rest of the country and keeping this country together. I am happy to a part of a group of people who have decided to live in and around a ghetto and doing our part in helping those who need help. Together we know a lot of people from the middle East. The sweetest people. Every week I help a somalian single mum and her children with homework and perfecting her danish. I am falling more and more in love with that crazy sweet family. Therefore I hate that some people decide to act out terrorism, cause its the people that we know who are hurt by this. Their roots and religion are being held captive in this. I have an issue with people turning their anger and hate towards innocent people, just because they share the same religion and country of origin as someone that acted out a terror attack, and the same goes for people incapable of accepting different opinions and believes. What is the harm in just agreeing to disagree?

We are all humans, flesh and blood. We are different colors and I believe we are all children of God. We shouldn’t judge people based on their color, religion or clothes. This 2015! I choose to see things from different perspective and try to understand why people act the way the do and what their motives are before judging them. I try to stay curious and get to know people. If you call someone a racist for something they say and they feel genuinely hurt by it, maybe you should try and look at it from a different angle. We can all say something that will be interpreted as being racist without actually being a racist. Sometimes it is better to ask why people say certain things first and learn more before judging. We all make generalizations based on what we observe around us. It is too easy sometimes to misunderstand people and it doesn’t cost anything to keep a positive tone. Stay open minded and try not to judge the book by its cover. We change the world by one random act of kindness at a time. Give it forward.

Fight for your dreams or lose yourself

This week a lot of things have been going through my mind. Mostly about the choices we make in life. Do we choose life or death? Do we choose to believe all the negative thoughts and public opinion on people like us? Or do we choose to believe who we truly are, who we are capable of becoming? Do we give up on our dreams just because we believe what could be the worst case scenario.
Recently i subscribed to Sandi Krakowski´s email list. One email really caught my attention. In her email she asks:

“How many times have you asked yourself, What if it does work?”

She talks about how humans have a tendency to prepare for failure, because we try to protect ourselves from disappointment and to avoid expecting to much out of our lives. This makes me think of another quote:

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained”

Its so easy to prepare for failure. We tell ourselves that its only logical to prepare for if things go wrong or we might be off worse than when we started. But ask yourself this:

“What if it works? What if my dream come true?”

Are we gonna fight for what we want, even if we fail or are we just gonna give up before we ever tried.

I have been unemployed for 3 years – I know how it feels like when you at the same time are giving up and still trying to fight. I never understood “Giving up”. Let me explain.
My life hasn’t always been easy. From early on learned how to fight. At my confirmation I was given a text from a psalm. It basically said:

“Fight for all that you have dear, die if you have to”

That has been like a prophetic word over my life. I was born a fighter. Learned that if I don’t fight, I wont succeed. I’ve been blessed with some good people in my life who believed in me, who pushed me to fight for my dreams. We always think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence until we get over there and look a bit closer. I’m not perfect. I have been struck down, fallen on many occasions. But every time I pulled myself up. Most of the time with help from friends. Never underestimate the importance of friendship. You might be strong, but we are only as strong as the people we surround ourselves with. No man´s an Island! If we try to walk through life thinking we don’t need nobody else, we´re wrong. That is not living, that is survival. We may survive for a bit, but the longer we choose to live without friends the more we lose ourselves.

So bottom line – You don’t know if you will get to live your dream if you never tried. Do what you have to. Spread the word. Who knows whats gonna happen. Use every resources – your friends, the internet, anybody in your network – But do it. Try to make it happen. What if you succeed. What if you get to live your dream or what if you end up somewhere you never dream of, but that is way better than what you ever could have dreamed of. So tell me, what´s your dream?

Do I have something to say?

So do I really have something to say. If you have read my profile, you already have an idea of what i wanna talk about and then you already know, that YES I have something to say. But in a digital world, how do you choose to say it.

On twitter I´m following a young guy, just in the beginning of his carrier and a woman, who already has HUGE success and their approach to how you say stuff are really different. So it´s not so much on what i wanna say, but how do i wanna say it. Through social media(SoMe) we can´t see the facial expression, the sound of ones voice nor can´t we always tell what motive is behind a statement. Some people on twitter think Im really boring and has no sense of humor and some, luckily the ones I call friends, think I have a great sense of humor and that I from time to time knock people out the park by totally nailing a comment in a conversation. A friend told me, that SoMe is all about perception, and it is. SoMe is social and it´s conversations. In communication, only 5% of our communication is the actual words we choose. For that reason alone, I sometimes restrict myself from saying something on Twitter, cause I can´t be sure how people will perceive it. It´s like coding in C++. You have a 1000 ways to shoot yourself in the foot. So my statement here is that since we are living in a digital world, where SoMe has change the way we communicate(cause we talk more on Twitter, Facebook and other platforms, rather than calling or sending a letter. Remember the time where we used to have Pen Pals 🙂 ) We need to be more considered of how our message is perceived. Off course some people don´t care. Feel free to speak your mind, but when others come up to you on SoMe with a different opinion be careful of how you choose to respond. There are so many negative attitudes on SoMe. Just because you don´t agree with another person doesn’t mean that it´s okay to aggressively attack that person. It is so easy to hide behind the screen. Many people say things on Twitter, Facebook, You Tube or even WOW, that they would never say face to face. What do YOU have to say?